Yes. The much maligned Sea Monkeys.
While rediscovering some of my old comics, I came across this ad in one of the books. Suddenly, a veritable sea of memories came crashing over me. Oh, how I had once longed to own those precious Sea Monkeys! What wonders these magical, pink, little humanoid animals must have held! And according to the ad, you could even easily train them to do tricks! Brilliant! And for only $1.25? How could I go wrong?!
Of course, once I presented the ad to my parents, I was told it was all a lie. "They don't really look like this. It's a trick to make you want to buy them." I was sure that they didn't know what they were talking about. It was all right there. In the advertisement. And advertisements can't lie. I was sure of it.
But I never got the chance to see these beautiful little Pepto Bismol sea horse creatures in action. And now I'm glad, because I'm sure the realization that my dear Sea Monkeys were actually common brine shrimp would have brought my world crashing down around me.
Here's the most incredible part of the ad: "Best of all, we even show you how to teach them (the sea monkeys, that is) to obey your commands like a pack of friendly trained seals. What a way to surprise your guests." Even at a young age, I should have become suspicious after reading that, considering they couldn't even muster up one measly exclamation point to cap off this astounding claim. Can you imagine that poor child that tried to impress his friends with the trained seal antics of his pet shrimp? I bet that kid got beat up at school. And called "Sea Monkey Boy." And slow danced against the gym wall by himself at prom.
I guess the moral of the story here is to never trust an ad for glorious little fish-men who raise happy families and live in a castle under the sea and anxiously await your bidding to do tricks. It ain't real. Notice the fine print in the ad: "Caricatures shown not intended to depict Artemia Salina." You got that right. What exactly were you trying to depict then? Jerks.
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