Here’s a delightful little
gem from the 80’s featuring the singularity known as Keanu in one of his
earliest and undoubtedly greatest performances.
I know nothing about
competitive cycling, but here’s the knowledge I gleaned about the sport after
watching this.
A) Wearing a futuristic bike helmet with lots of big, gaping holes in
it makes you look way cooler, but it doesn’t really help you go much faster. So
it’s basically a fashion statement, but I can dig it.
B) In your moment of desperation, when it looks like you
can’t go any further, you must spur yourself on with an inspirational
flashback. Preferably of that time you were sitting on the front porch with
your father who often likes to wear some kind of weird lumberjack coat and offer you generic platitudes.
C)
You’ve really got
to want it. To validate this motivation, repeat out loud to yourself that you
do indeed want it.
D) None of these things are good enough because you will
still finish second.
E)
After you’ve
finished your cycling marathon, you will be incredibly parched and your lungs
will no doubt feel like they are exploding within you. Now is the perfect
moment to gulp down a carbonated beverage. Let the searing bubbles burn their
way down your gullet and hydrate your weary body.
F)
When your
performance is sub-par, make sure you give the credit to your father. It’s what
I like to call “shifting the blame.”
G) Coke is obviously it.
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